Do I Show More Affection To My Child Than My Husband?

Husband and wife holding hands at their wedding

I recently met up with my husband for lunch and as we parted ways, we exchanged a quick goodbye peck. That’s when I realised that I definitely show more affection to my 17-month old than to my husband. Not consciously I might add, but it’s seems to be a gradual change that has gone unnoticed or I’ve refused to acknowledge until now.

How Did This Happen?

Don’t worry, I won’t make you cringe with intimate details of our relationship but suffice to say that becoming a parent has changed both of us in more ways than I ever imagined. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, co-sleeping, to name but a few, are huge romance killers. We settled into a routine of doing everything possible to keep the little bundle alive and happy but this meant that we neglected our ‘together’ emotional needs. We still did some of the pre-baby couple things like ‘date nights’ but it’s not quite the same especially when I’m falling asleep halfway through watching a show! I do not condone infidelity in any way but I can see how a little attention from someone else can escalate into something else. I, well we, needed to make some changes.

What Next?

We had a candid conversation! Just talking about it made a huge difference. We’d completely adapted other areas of our lives to accommodate the new arrival but not so much our marriage. Let’s face it, living up to the pre-baby expectations was always going to be difficult, especially with number 2 on the way. So we (I haha) made a list which contained the usual couply things and making God the centre of our marriage.

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

Marriage, and probably most relationships require work from time to time and sacrifice so we are making an effort to be less like passing ships. Nothing too stringent as that would just lead to disappointment. I may divulge said list in future, when my extreme over-sharing mood kicks in, but if you’re really, really, interested then ask and you may receive 😉

P.S I saw this on the way back from our enlightening lunch and it cheered me up a bit so thought I’d share.

Below The Belt Male Grooming Advert

P.P.S Have you heard of Love Languages? If not, then I would really recommend it. We did it on our marriage course and we learnt so much about ourselves and how best we interact with others. We just did it again to remind ourselves what gives us fulfilment in relationships!

Update: I wasn’t completely sure about the title of this post. I would like to clarify that I do love them in different ways but the post was about neglecting to show this!

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9 thoughts on “Do I Show More Affection To My Child Than My Husband?

  1. I struggled to find the right title for this post – probably should have said ‘Do I show more affection to my child than my husband’. I do love them differently but I think it’s important to show people you love them as well 🙂

  2. I candid conversation usually is the best cure to all marriage issues! It’s when we don’t share with our spouse what it on our mind that we get into trouble.

  3. i have to giggle at the picture. And I totally get where you are coming from. Four kiddos later and our relationship is different, but not. We seem to have matured and found a greater respect after these little lives have joined us and sharing life for 18 years. I do sometimes neglect our relationship out of exhaustion or busyness, but you are right, have that conversation and be intentional. Thank you.

  4. This was such a wonderful post. I know that kids and life gets busy and sometimes things get put on the back burner. Communication is key. We must put God at the center and allow him to help us to love our spouses the way that they need to be loved.

  5. Kudos to you for being so observant! It is so easy to channel all of our energy into our children. That is a task that is never done. But the whole family relies on mom and dad loving each other well!

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